For a couple of days now I've been thinking about writing something about all those people that i deeply care about and with whom i am no longer in touch, or I'm barely in touch with. As I've said before, I am terrible at letting go. I think the main issue is that I do not want to let go of you if you meant something in my life. The other reason is my memory: I'll remember bizarre pieces of information, most times useless, for quite some time -hard to forget you when I think about you often.
Friends, lovers, relatives... if I once cared, odds are I'll care forever.
I often think of friends I lost track of; coworkers that were a giant chunk of my everyday; cousins that were almost my siblings; lovers that shared my most darkest secrets... Some of them I've recently found again, but I feel I'm still separated from them by a huge God-knows-what that keeps me on the other side of a glass window, craving for them to reopen the door into their lives.
It pains me to feel the lack of interest, the apathy from these people that mean so much to me. I know people's life changes and they move on. I know there are new friends and coworkers and lovers in their life and mine, but I guess in my mind and in my heart no one gets replaced. So I expect the same treatment. Again, if you earned my love, you'll most likely have it always.
On the other hand, there are few joys like reconnecting with someone and feeling they are as excited as you are to be in touch again. It truly makes me feel like, somehow, somewhere I have left a tiny footprint in my path through life. It has been worth it.
...and so, I sometimes wonder if I should give up and let go...
If they don't care, does it mean I shouldn't bother trying anymore? How much trying is enough trying? Is this one of the lessons I'm supposed to learn in life? Any thoughts?
Returning & moving, meanwhile…
4 years ago
